Copyranter: The life of a millennial consumer (according to stock photos)

Screw them. We in advertising have long understood the great value of stock photos, even more so today, what with so many clueless tech and startup clients giving you insultingly paltry production budgets. But the moment you find that perfect photo is just the most rewarding moment for a creative, and oh look — it’s royalty free!

Why brands haven’t tapped stock photos more often for valuable insight into the lives of the coveted-yet-elusive millennials is a mystery and a shame.

If you search “millennial” and “Generation Y” on Shutterstock, you get a combined 1,324 hits, a goldmine of content.

Given the proven efficacy of stock photo searches — veteran copywriters/art directors, please share your experiences in the comments — you can safely surmise that the carefully curated results from these searches present a pretty accurate snapshot of the life of a millennial consumer. Included are educated guesses at some of these youngsters’ favorite brands.

1. “Multitasking” comes natural to these always-busy 18-34-year-olds, as does eating inordinate amounts of popcorn. Favorite brands: Pop Secret, Imodium (chewable).

2. Although they certainly don’t do it as much as young Boomers did, many “millens” do like to drink and drive around their hometowns, specifically apparently chugging cognac out of martini glasses. Favorite brands: Courvoisier, Rolaids, Toilet Duck.

3. Gen Y spends lots of time on “social media” and “apps.” As you can see to the right there, this cute feller in the dandy cardigan uses them mostly for “hook-ups.” Favorite brands: Tinder, OK Cupid, Match.com, eHarmony, Lavalife, Adult FriendFinder, Trojan Magnum, KY, Warby Parker.

4. They are “punk rawk!” (Well technically, post-post-post “punk rock,” now called “pop punk” — a term that makes zero musical sense). Favorite band: pop-punkers Mixtapes. Favorite brands: X (or molly, the drug-formerly-known-as-X, not the post-punk glam punk band), Urban Outfitters.

5. And they are most certainly rebels, but with causes. They give “the finger” to authority and are often seen flashing sort-of gang signs to show that they are “down” with “it.” Favorite brands: “Riri,” Garnier, Affliction.

6. “Half Kim Kardashian, half Miley Cyrus” is an accurate description of the personalities of many millennials, you’ll find. Favorite brands: Ray-Ban, Apple, him/herself.

7. This is the sole black man that shows up in either search. He is called “successful businessman” in the Shutterstock photo description, and, as you can see by his sprinter position, he is a “go-getter.” He is not wearing socks, which means blisters. Favorite brands: I have no idea.

8. Online “gaming” is big with Gen Y males of all ages, as is getting outraged by anonymous troll commenters/being an anonymous troll commenter. Favorite brands: EA, IKEA, PornHub, Yankee Candle (note book-less bookshelves—books are dead, sorry gasping publishing houses).

9. “Belly” shirts and pre-ripped jeans are two fashion staples of female Y-ers, coast-to-coast. Favorite brands: G-Star (Raw), 7 For All Mankind, Plan B.

10. Lastly, they go bonkers over anything pumpkin-flavored and, of course, love Rutherford B. Hayes-level beards (and beard jewelry) that would have gotten them harassed in the glorious clean-shaven Reagan ’80s. Favorite brands: Pinnacle pumpkin pie vodka, pumpkin pie Pringles, Wild Willie’s Beard Elixir, Smashing Pumpkins.

There you have it, hungry brands: a “deep dive” into the millennial consumerist world, courtesy of the best free online resource for market research, bar none.