It’s holiday party season, and you know what that means: plenty of free booze and countless opportunities to laugh at your coworkers and industry colleagues as they make fools of themselves. You, however, do not want to be the idiot. Banner Ad Confidential has some useful tips for holiday party career advancement. Here’s our handy guide to the five people you definitely don’t want to be at holiday parties your agency or media company throws.
The Aggressive Drunk
There’s an open bar, and that’s exciting, but at every holiday party somebody leaves the gate far too quickly. Don’t let it be you. Though the idea is clearly to drink as much as possible on the company dime, it’s still important to pace yourself if you want to avoid embarrassing situations or fireable offenses, which can include vomiting or collapsing on the dance floor, inappropriately propositioning coworkers and being a little too honest with your superiors. Pro tip: Make sure to drink plenty of water and snack on whatever hors d’oeuvres are around after every third drink (depending on your weight and usual alcohol tolerance level, the third drink rule could vary).
The Office Hookup
By the end of the night, everybody will be drunk, which may fool you into thinking that a little intra-office shenanigans may go unnoticed or at least forgotten by coworkers. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. No matter how plastered people get, one thing is for sure: Everyone will know everything about your romantic encounter by 11 a.m. the next morning. Pro tip: Do as New Yorkers do, and find a random.
The Delusional Dancer
Unless you’re absolutely positive you can dance, you shouldn’t attempt to dance. Even if you’re absolutely positive you can dance, it’s still probably best you don’t dance. If you decide to go for it anyway, make a conscious effort to tone down your moves. You’re drunk, and these aren’t your closest friends that find your “robot” hilarious. They’re people you have to see and work with every single day. Sober. More importantly, if you’re over 40, there’s a good chance your dance moves now closely resemble those of most of your employees’ dads. It’s creepy; avoid at all costs.
The Business Adviser
Sure, you know exactly what the company’s shortcomings are and exactly how to fix them, but the holiday party is absolutely not the time to share your wisdom with the CEO, senior management or anyone else for that matter. We get it. You’ve had a couple of drinks, and it might be months before you get another chance to air your views to important decision-makers. There’s probably a reason for that.
The Last Man Standing
Although it’s essential you’re not the first one to leave, it’s also extremely important you’re not the last. By all means stay late — late is when lips get loose and the really valuable office gossip begins to flow — but there’s a thin line between calling it a night as the after-party winds down and finding yourself staggering around outside the bar at 4:30 a.m. calling your coworkers to come meet you at that after-hours spot you know that definitely won’t let you in anyway.
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