2016 Year in Preview: Your calendar of made-up brand holidays

In preparation for 2016, Digiday has compiled a new list of made-up-but-could-be-very-real holidays for #brands to celebrate:

January 2016: Naked’s National Detox Day
Seizing on our fatty and hungover vulnerable selves, Naked Juice smells the marketing opportunity and deems Jan. 1 as “National Detox Day.” Complete with an annoying SoulCycle tie-in, the Pepsi-owned brand unhinges America’s collective jaw and forces green juice down our throats as a way to atone for our holiday sins.

February 2016: Netflix and Chill Day
It’s inevitable, so just let it happen. Netflix would be silly not to create a day, say on Valentine’s Day, when the nation’s favorite pre- and (post-) coital tradition goes down. Unlike other Fridays of the year, this holiday is commemorated with special sexually themed originals like “Sense8 Inches” or, uh, “Narcos.”

May 2016: National Avocado Emoji Appreciation Day presented by Chipotle
Now that Taco Bell finally has a taco emoji, it’s Chipotle’s time to shine. It’s expected that by around this time that the avocado emoji would be appearing on people’s keyboards pending Unicode Consortium’s approval — and Chipotle’s little e coli problem will be a distant memory. But judging by the low bar the shadowy board has in approving emojis, the avocado symbol will likely make it much to the delight of the burrito slinger. Perhaps that means free extra guacamole for everyone?

July 2016: Jet(tisoned) Day 
Taking a cue from the universally despised Amazon Prime Day from last summer, Jet.com finally throws in the towel. Finally realizing that no one wants, or needs, another Amazon, the VC-funded online retailer makes one final pivot into the grave selling deeply discounted junk. Not because it wants to, but because it has to.

September 2016: Remembrance Day Honoring FanDuel and Draft Kings
Sigh, such short lives tragically ended by annoying government regulations and pesky lawmakers. It was just a year ago when the football season kicked off and our televisions were blanketed with FanDuel and Draft Kings ads, taunting us with promo codes and promises that we’re all going to be rich off betting their play money on a real sporting event. (Oops, don’t call it betting!) So, let’s celebrate the beginning of football by having a moment of silence for that really chill, a hoodie-wearing bro from the FanDuel ads.

November 2016: Starbucks’ ‘Red Cup’ Backlash Day
This year’s stupid furor over Starbucks’ annual holiday-themed ‘Red Cups’ for being not Christmas-y enough, ignited so much free publicity for it that would be stupid not to replicate it. Instead of playing it safe, web comic The Oatmeal suggested Starbucks be as offensive as possible to drum up even more exposure for the brand. What could possibly go wrong?

There are nine more looks forward from Digiday’s editors and reporters as part of our 2016 Year in Preview series. Download the full series here.